Halloween is completely awesome. Yes, completely awesome. There is not one bad thing about it, and here’s why: consistency. Every holiday tends to be bad at some point in our lives. For instance, for my non-Jewish readers, Christmas. When you were little, Christmas was freakin awesome. You would wake up to a huge stack of presents and be there with your entire family to celebrate the joyous occasion (unless you were left home alone or stuck in New York like Kevin was in Home Alone). However, when you get older, Christmas just isn’t as cool. Yes, you are finally allowed to watch the South Park Christmas episodes, but it’s just not the same. You find out Santa isn’t real (yes, it isn’t Santa who gives you your presents). Those children’s Christmas movies just aren’t that cool anymore (seriously, go watch Vince Vaughn’s holiday stinker from last year). And, you have to spend Christmas with your family, which also isn’t that fun anymore (especially when the egg nog starts flowing and you end up with a drunk uncle, aunt, cousin or grandparent).
Well, Halloween is not like this whatsoever. It has stayed consistently awesome forever. Now for the evidence:
You start out celebrating Halloween as a youngster, dressing up and getting free candy. There is nothing not great about getting free candy (and the occassional pennies from the old people who believe candy rots your teeth). You have a great time. Yes, everyone in your class has the same three costumes (in my youth it was either a ninja, a Power Ranger, or both), but still the free candy and cupcakes soften the blow of having a repeat costume. In addition, elementary school is when Halloween peaks in childhood (except for those terrible schools who ban Halloween because they believe it is a religious holiday… and to them I say I hate you). You pretty much do no work all day. You come dressed in your Halloween costume to school and you may have a parade so you could see everyone’s costumes. Afterward, you come back to your classroom where the class mothers (and fathers) have set up a delicious shmorgosbord of candy, cupcakes and cider.
Fast forward fifteen years as a college student. Halloween is still completely awesome, but for slightly different reasons. Sure you still get the occassional free piece of candy, but more importantly is the social scene. Everybody floods to the bars and parties in their most offensive, sluttiest and funniest costumes. Sure, it is a spectator sport for us males, but it is also a competition to see who can get the most laughs from the slutty nurse, the slutty umpire, the slutty devil, the slutty football player, and the slutty mentally handicapped person. It is great. I love it.
So, if anyone thinks Halloween is garbage, think again. For me, it’s all about consistency. It’s the same thing in sports: the team that is most consistent usually wins (there I go again comparing everything in life to sports). It’s the same thing with holidays. Eventually holidays end up being dry and boring. But not Halloween. So Halloween, in honor of this, I salute you and your slutty Halloween costume.