“And to think of how I’m feeling right now…”

…I still remember how I felt 4 years ago
and when I think of how things are right now
it’s the same old song from years ago.”

That’s a lyric from Less Than Jake, one of the more underrated bands of my generation. These lyrics ring partially true in my life, as I do sometimes reflect on where I am, where I’ve been, and how I’ve progressed. However, when I think of four years ago and compare it to today, the song I sing is very different.

It’s weird to think that just a short four years ago, I was in a completely different place, with a different mindset, different values and just a completely different life. As a senior in high school, most of us are shallow. We care about being the big men on campus, which girl we are going to take to prom, and how we are going to miss the people we have spent the past thirteen years with in school when we go away to college. I know I was self-centered and that high school was the end all be all of life. There was nothing more important to me than my high school friends, prom, girlfriends, etc., etc.

What’s weird is that looking back on that situation, I had my priorities and values completely wrong. The things I cared about in high school are just ridiculous. My friends and I would have petty arguments with the basis being jealousy. I was so focused on these immature relationships, but more focused on myself and how to better my situation. In fact, when I look back at Mike at eighteen years old, it seems like a fiction story of a kid who cared for one person, and that was himself.

Now, four years later, there are some similarities in my life (besides being excited for a semi-formal, or prom with liquor). I guess I’m just as sentimental, but have a completely different outlook. Whereas in high school, I swore my friends would be friends forever (which turned out to be completely untrue), I have a similar mentality. I think I will always consider my college friends to be friends forever but to think that we will all end up in the same apartment building sharing meals together for the rest of our lives is just insane and a pipe dream. We will be all over the country, but can and will always relate to each other because of the memories we share and times we have had and will have.

Moving on from the gushy shit about friends, I guess the biggest difference for me over the past four years is my change in values. I can’t really put it into words, but when I look back at my thought processes four years ago and compare them to my thought process today, the only thing I can think is, “What the hell is wrong with me?” I guess this change in mentality happens when you mature (I think I’m halfway, at most, through that process) and when you finally find a niche where you are comfortable. I know I didn’t really find my passion or my calling until I found a group of people I was comfortable around and loved hanging out with.

I’m reflecting on the change in me over the past four years because I am in the home stretch to the end of college. Spring break has passed and the next momentous occasion is graduation. I think it’s always good to reflect on where I have come and how I am incredibly satisfied with the person I have become. They say college is the best four years of your life and that you grow significantly as a person. I would agree with whoever said that (I believe “they” said it). I can’t believe that my growing experience is almost over. I don’t want it to end, but part of me knows that it has to.


One Response to “And to think of how I’m feeling right now…”

  1. […] I have to say my friends are pretty awesome and I can’t repeat it enough (like here and here) that I am pretty lucky. My parents commented how close we all were and how rare that is. […]

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