My 22nd Year

July 14, 2009

Well, my 21st year of life is just about over (I turn 22 on Sunday for those who would like to give me gifts), and quite frankly, it’s pretty disappointing.  21 is a big year.  You can legally start to drink, you can gamble, and partake in other cool morally questionable things (that I can’t think of).  22 isn’t such a big year.  Most people graduate from college and have to start their real life (let’s be real, everyone wishes they could go to their high school guidance counselor and laugh in his or her face when he or she tells us that college is for growing up, starting your real life, and finding yourself.  I think I might have digressed in the maturity field during college).  In fact, 22 is such a non-monumental birthday, you can’t even find cool birthday cards or shot glasses at your local Spencer’s.  So, to give myself some incentive to be excited about leaving my 21st year, I have created a checklist of things I want to accomplish in my 22nd year:

1.  Win more than $50 on a scratch off ticket.  My entire home life is defined by, at some point in the day/night, going to 7-Eleven and buying a $2 scratch off ticket.  In fact, every time my friends and I go, before we scratch, we talk about what we would do if we won the $30,000 grand prize (some ideas include: going to Vegas on the spot, buying a slave).  Every time, however, we leave disappointed.  The most I won in 5 years of playing the scratch off lottery is $40.  My goal for the next year is to beat that by at least $10.01.

2. Get good grades in law school. In high school, I convinced myself that getting the best grades would determine my future. I was wrong. In college, I did the same. And was wrong again. However, at this point in my life, there will never again be a standardized test that will determine where I go next (let’s be real: standardized tests are all that matter for admission into any school at any level). So my grades actually do matter this time… or so I’m convincing myself again for the ninth straight year.

3. Start dating a girl that I didn’t meet on JDate. Whenever I come home, my parents tell me that another person in their mid-20s is getting married. I then ask, “How did they meet?” 99% of the time my parents’ response is that they either met on JDate or in a bar at Hoboken. Don’t get me wrong, neither option is wrong or problematic. However, at the age of 22, I don’t think it is socially acceptable to be on JDate yet (unless you’re really lonely, but I’m still going to be in school meeting people). In addition, I’ve never been to Hoboken, New Jersey. In fact, the word sounds dirty to me (go ahead, say it out loud. It sounds like the Bat Cave of homeless people). I want to do it the old fashion way: actually meet someone normally. I know what you’re thinking: how did people start to date before the internet?!? I hope to discover this in the next year.

4. Not take myself too seriously. I think law students get a bad wrap–they are ultra competitive, always serious, etc., etc. However, I really don’t want to be that stereotype. I take pride in the fact that I like to have a good time all the time, and be an outrageous character (actually, somebody from home told me I’d be great on the Real World for this reason. In response to this, I faked getting incredibly angry and then joined a Real World/Road Rules Challenge).

5. Travel to Europe. Assuming the movie Eurotrip is a true story, Europe sounds completely awesome to me. I went to Italy already and that was completely awesome. The good times I had there were, well, good times. I’ve never been in a scenario where there was a huge language barrier and I was wondering in a city with a couple friends by ourselves. It’s quite an interesting situation. I would like to do it again. Maybe go to somewhere for two weeks, sightsee for a week and then take in the culture and chillax for a second week. Something like that.

6. Keep in close contact with my good college friends. Because I’ve had a lot of free time in the past seven(ish) weeks since college graduation, I’ve kind of played a Survivor-like game in my head (yes, Jeff Probst was the host of the game in my head… It made it more lifelike) of who of the people I’ve met in college (can you say 400 Facebook friends from my school? What up?) that I will actually stay friends with (that was an obscenely run-on sentence). Bottom line is, there are only about ten(ish) people that I will probably stay in weekly contact with (of course two of them got this far by continuing to win Immunity Challenges. Damn you, Probst!). I’m okay with that. I just apologize in advance to these ten(ish) people if I disappear for a little during the next year (see goal number 2).

7. Continuing by gym-going habits. You don’t think this figure comes naturally, do you? I work hard for this body. All kidding aside (the right side), I really hope I have time to go the gym now that I will be a law student. In undergrad, for some reason, the weekdays always worked out where you had four hours (at least. This past semester it was more like seven) to chill and not do anything but watch television or go to the gym. So, I would go to the gym for 1.5 to 2 hours five to six days a week. In law school it doesn’t work like this, so hopefully I have some time (if not, I heard coke diets, not Diet Coke, work).

8. Continuing this blog and keeping my creative side alive. I love writing. Some people enjoy my writing (six). I want to keep doing it. Especially my bigger projects (not my blog). I feel like that will keep me sane. Or distract me from failing to reach my previous seven goals.

Being Friends With Girls

July 8, 2009

So let me just start with this: I have nothing interesting in my life to talk about. Seriously, nothing monumental, no perspective changing experience. I’m just kind of chilling, which is not a problem (except for my loyal blog readers… and I write “loyal” and “readers” lightly). However, I want to at least get one blog entry this month so I’ll write about something that I have been thinking about but never put to paper: friendships with girls.

Let me start this thought by alienating all girl readers: Quite frankly, I do not enjoy being friends with girls compared to being friends with dudes. Bottom line is, us guys are way more loyal to each other, trustworthy, and don’t hold crazy beefs. For instance, every group of girls I see, they say they are best friends (girls abuse that term anyway), and although in a girl’s sense they may be, they clearly are not by male definition (also we don’t use “best friend”, “bff”, or any other shortened term. We are just “boys”). Secretly, girls harbor jealousy and nitpick little things they don’t like about each other. This is just the first of many reasons I would rather be friends with guys. We kind of just chill and have a good time. I know if there is an issue between any of my friends, we call each other out or ignore it and move on with our lives. It doesn’t affect our friendships. In fact, some of the reasons I have seen guy friends never talk to each other again include: friend tries to hook up with sister, friend tries to hook up with girl friend, friend kills family members. Accordingly, if these things happen, most of the time (except for the last example) a simple apology works just fine (“Dude, weak move by me. Seriously weak.”).

(Sidenote: Nothing happened to me in the past couple weeks that made me think this way, nor am I bitter towards a girl or her friends in anyway. This is just fact. Also, there are exceptions, but very rarely).

Now, if a guy decides to become friends with a girl (and by “friend,” I actually mean friends. Nothing else), there are several labels that a male could be categorized as:

Out of Leaguer: The girl a male has befriended is way too hot for this guy. Therefore, either the girl sees this (I could swear girls have a sixth sense about this) and immediately puts him into the friend zone, or the guy accepts (begrudgingly) the friendship because attention from a hot girl is better than no attention at all. This category sucks. Hot girls do this constantly and consciously and if they tell you any differently they are lying.

Blown opportunity friend: The girl is clearly in the guy’s league and the guy actually had a chance with the girl. However, the small window of opportunity closed and therefore they are stuck in the friend zone forever. This window actually closes when a guy gets to know a girl too well. Thus, they start to share personal life stories and the girl gets way too comfortable and likes this friendship she has formed. The guy is blind to this (he lies to himself) until this realization where he either chooses to stay friends or just bails.

Fugly friend: In this situation, the girl is way below the dude’s level and the guy decides to friend this girl because she is really cool or has hot friends. This happens constantly. In fact, the ugly friend could potentially be a great wing(wo)man. Also, it is important to note that all hot girls have one ugly friend. Girls, if you don’t think this is true, you are the ugly friend in your group.

Your bro’s girlfriend: This is one of the few completely acceptable friendships with girls. But, one must keep their distance when around these girls because the girl could be gone any day (and clearly, you stay loyal to your friend over his girl). It is completely okay for a guy to become friends with this kind of girl. It helps to further the friendship between you and the dude and also with the girl (in addition, the girl could have hot friends). (Note: It could become sticky if you become friends with the girlfriend and guy at the same time and then they break up. This sucks. My only advice to you is to find someone else to give you advice on this).

Just Not There Girl: These are the kinds of girls that you really want there to be some kind of attraction but there is just something missing. It could either be looks or personality or whatever, but it just isn’t there. So, the male becomes friends with her. This is okay, but once again, please refer to the first paragraph of this entry.

Miscellaneous Girl: For whatever reason, you are friends with her (it better be a damn good excuse–i.e. family friend who you see as a sister, girl has a v.d., distant cousin, etc.). Once again, refer to the first paragraph.

Now, I know what you are thinking: this entry sucks. But I’m sure a little bit of you wants to know what the author’s situation is with girls when it comes to being friends with them. I enjoy the friendship of girls. I have no problem with them. In fact, every time I chill with a friend who is a girl I enjoy myself. With that being said, my closest friends are, for the most part, guys because of the reasoning above. My close guy friends are very trustworthy and like fart jokes, and poop jokes, and things I like (porn, chicken, beer). On the other hand, if you find a trustworthy girl who you can’t date (one of your bro’s siblings or girlfriends, or lesbian), I say you hold them close to you as friends. I have found a half handful (three?) of these kinds of girls with whom I cherish their friendship and that’s it. However, the rest of the girls I’m friends with fit into one of the many categories above, and this drives me crazy. Especially blown opportunity friend. Those really blow and brings on a terrible feeling of failure (I could name four off the top of my head without thinking. And any male not named Brad Pitt can as well, guaranteed). In fact, these are the kinds of girls that make me lose sleep… or go after the fugly friend.