Mike’s Preview of ABC’s “The Deep End”

In less than a week, ABC will be premiering a new drama called “The Deep End.” This show follows the lives of a couple new associates in a prestigious law firm in Los Angeles (thank you Wikipedia for this information). I’m sure it will be like Grey’s Anatomy, but instead of McDreamy, McSteamy (it is very pathetic that I know these names), and McHandicapped (he’s a new character), they will have funny law names like McTort (seriously, the creators of these shows are fixated on making everyone Irish). There, of course, will be the exaggerated sexual tension and love triangles, squares, pentagons, etc., etc. But if law school and talking to lawyers is telling of what the legal world is really like, this show will be a fantasized version of what real legal life is like. So, I offer you what the real “Deep End” would be like if they wanted to make a factually accurate show.

The first part of this show will be the rivalries. In law school, there is a small percentage of people (analogous to the small percentage of people of Islamic belief who are extremists) who are overly competitive. They think they are awesome, but in actuality everyone thinks they are giant douches. They raise their hand, and answer questions like this: “Well (student looks up into the sky as if getting his answer from god while taking off his glasses in a scholarly manner), if I remember correctly (clearly this student remembers correctly, or else the student would not have answered)…” The student probably does this three times per class and compliments these incredibly elitist and condescending comments with equally elitist and condescending questions.

Furthermore, there is the normal everyday student who, although you might be friendly with, or even consider a friend, clearly has ulterior motives. They say (I don’t know who “They” is. Even Wikipedia didn’t have the answer) law school brings out the worst in people. Some people are incapable of making friends. Some people are incapable of maintaining friendships. So, there really is no drama when it comes to the douchetard from the paragraph before. Nobody wants to hang out with that person (and when you do, you mock this person (or these people), but most likely this person does not pick up on social cues so it is kind of funny). The real drama is the constant questioning of if the people you hang out with are actually your friends or just friendly because they want your sweet outlines.

However, “The Deep End” should not focus on the drama of maintaining friendships or that nonsense because of the fact that most of the day is spent working. I’m sure in a big law firm, there is no time for hook ups in the bathroom, drinking during the week and that kind of nonsense. I’m sure, however, that there will be in-office hook ups in this show. I get it, though. Why would anyone want to watch a show about people working and living real lives? Seriously, the Real World goes against the actual name of its show and just shows the exciting drunken moments (yes, I’ve been watching the Real World over break). I couldn’t imagine why the reality show about law school couldn’t get off the ground. Actually, I could. Unless you’re Tucker Max, law school is boring.

I’m sure the focus of the show will be the in-office romances, just like Grey’s Anatomy does (what? I may or may not have seen a couple of those awful episodes. Seriously, how can a show survive when the main character is clinically depressed all the time. You’re a doctor. You should be happy. Get over yourself, Dr. Grey). But, unlike doctors, there is no room with beds at a law firm. I’m sure there will be partners sleeping with associates or secretaries (damn I should write for this show). This might even be accurate in real life, but when the lawyer’s wife finds out about it, the associate or secretary won’t break out into a long speech about what love is (I’m pretty sure Haddaway and Fat Joe answered this question already anyway). Accordingly, from my experience with law school, there is some sexual tension, but everyone is too involved in school work to even care about that.

So there it is. The real “Deep End.” Now I know what you are thinking: “Will Mike watch this show?” Okay, so you weren’t thinking that, but this is my blog so I make the rules. To answer your question, I am secretly hoping it becomes a sensation within law school and people get together and watch it. I swear. I just can’t wait for those uncomfortable viewing parties where you question if your soda is poisoned.

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