So, I was thinking about my blog (which is on the priority rung with cleaning my apartment and twelve rungs below inventing a new color), and I realized that I hadn’t written in over a month and a half. That is by far the longest I’ve gone in this blog’s almost two years of existence. Well, quite frankly, I’ve been busy. Spring break sucked just as much as I thought it would (minus a 48 hour span on debauchery). More importantly, I’ve been working diligently on my 22nd year goal #3. It’s going well. Thanks for asking, boss.
I was thinking about what I could write about that will tide my loyal reader(s) until May 18th (post finals). It had to be something completely awesome and hilarious that will satisfy my tens of thous… well tens of readers. Unfortunately, I have nothing. Then I started to think about what grinds my gears the most. Then I realized nobody wants to hear me talk about law school anymore (I start to die a little inside when I even pronounce the letter “L”). I also realized that I don’t want to talk about anything serious or sentimental, seeing how I just outlined for criminal law and all I could think about right now is death and terrible horrific crimes. This is when I came up with the solution to write about something that I wish I was doing more of for the past two weeks and something I will be wishing I can do over the next three weeks. Get your head out of the gutter. Seriously, if you were thinking about something other than working out, I can refer you to a couple good websites.
Anyway, I like the gym. I have gone for over six years and ever since I got to law school, I have been able to spend less time there than I would like (okay, maybe I was spoiled prior to law school when I could go for two hours). Here, an hour doing cardio is teetering on being a bad student (seriously, I go crazy when I hear from people in law school that they don’t have time to do anything. It makes me feel like a slacker). Anyway, prior to moving to New York, I had gotten pretty accustomed to the way a gym works: people are cordial to each other, strangers don’t talk to each other and it’s really a big testosterone fest. Well, this all changed once I joined a gym in the East Village.
Granted, this gym is convenient for me. It is only three blocks and one avenue over and I walk to it every morning. Besides this, my gym is awful. Besides the slap in the face by not having the weights in order, this gym has some of the most confusing and flamboyant characters I have ever met. In my gym, there are four types of people: flamboyant men, old men, average looking women who watch television while doing cardio and laugh hysterically at it, and me. With the first character, I want to focus on one guy in specific. I have never spoken to this guy. I also have nothing against homosexuality or anything of the sort. However, I do have a problem when this guy is on the elliptical next to me, puts his iPod on, and starts jazzercising while on the elliptical. I can count dozens of times where this guy has almost slapped me the face with his flailing arms. I don’t know what this guy is thinking. Maybe he wants double the cardio workout. I don’t know. But seriously, can’t he do this one elliptical away from me. It’s borderline creepy and very, very odd.
Old men are also an issue at this gym. I have never been a fan of the old man who walks around naked in a locker room, which is why I tend not to go into the locker room at the gym (after working for a number of summers at a YMHA Camp, I’ve seen enough… Don’t get me started on this). However, for some reason, a number of old men (with their clothing on) like to come up to you and shout encouragement at you while you are lifting weights or doing cardio. I have literally been sitting in between reps at a chest machine when some old guy comes up to me while clapping his hands and starts shouting, “Push it! Push it!” I then think to myself, “Respect your elders. Don’t point out the obvious that you are resting for thirty seconds.” There isn’t one guy who does this. There are many.
The last category of people who bother me are the ladies who put on Oprah, or Ellen, or my personal favorite, Regis and Kelly and laugh hysterically at the television. It is really annoying. I get it. Ellen is hilarious. But never once have I laughed out loud while listening to a television on my headphones. There is something weird about it. Think about it: someone laughs and you immediately turn around to see nothing but a lady riding a stationary bike. There is nothing funny about this. When something is funny, I like to share this funny with others. These people are just being annoying.
That’s my ode to the gym. I can’t wait to be home for the summer where I can go to a gym where people observe etiquette. No old men, no jazzercising ellipticalists (did I just make up a word?), and no laughing women. I also look forward to getting in shape. There is something bad about being out of breath after reading twenty pages of constitutional law (I kid).