My 22nd Year In Review

July 26, 2010

A little more than a year ago, I set out a check list of things I wanted to accomplish in my 22nd year. Since I am pretty low on creative ideas (law school has sucked away my soul… and creativity), and my reader(s) have asked me when I’m going to write a blog entry, I think this is a perfect time to go through that list and see if I accomplished my goals.

Goal 1: Win More Than a $50 Scratch Off Lottery Ticket
This goal was not accomplished. When I come home from law school (or a year ago, it was college), there is nothing to do. I play a lot of Playstation 3 (I just bought Little Big Planet, which could essentially end the extremely limited social life I have in my home town), and go to 7-11 with friends. This is the main excitement for the night (except for the off-chance of seeing Gran Turino on HBO where Clint Eastwood is an amazing racist). Why is it exciting? Well, that’s because we buy scratch off lottery tickets and plan what we would do with the $30,000 we win. Unfortunately, we have never won that much. In fact, in the past year, I don’t think I’ve won more than a couple of times, and in those couple of times, I don’t think I’ve won more than the $2 I spent on the actual ticket. This goal was a complete failure. I think I should give up on this goal and spend my money on things I actually have a chance at winning… like betting that the Knicks will get Lebron in 2016.

Goal 2: Get Good Grades In Law School
Well, it really depends on what you define as good grades, right?

Goal 3: Start Dating A Girl I Didn’t Meet On JDate
I actually accomplished this goal. I have a great girlfriend. She is way cooler, better looking, and smarter than me. AND we didn’t meet on JDate. I don’t know how JDate works. Nor do I ever want to find out. This is the sentiment I was echoing last year. It just seems crazy; You post the most flattering pictures of yourself on a website, and put interests down that you think attractive Jewish girls would like (this is how it works, right?). It just seems like by joining this, you are being someone you actually aren’t. Of course, this is coming from a guy who met his girlfriend in law school, which is kind of just like college and high school in regards to the social life part–there are always people around who want to chill on weekends (however, when it comes to academics, it is waaaaaaay different [see Goal 2]). I guess in real life, it is very different. How do you meet a girl normally? By going out to a bar? And we all know how that ends up (see “Knocked Up”). So, I guess I have softened my stance on other people using JDate because if it wasn’t for law school, I’d probably still be single (and trying to do that cool thing that Seth Rogen did when he reached over the bar and grabbed beers to try to impress Katherine Heigl… okay, I saw “Knocked Up” on TV today… okay, it was on the E! Network, and yes, I was looking for the Kardashian show. But, to be fair, that show is brilliant).

Goal 4: Not Take Myself Too Seriously
I think I accomplished this goal. I try to live life as lightly as possible, and turn on the serious stuff when the situation calls for it. For instance, when I’m in class, I take it seriously by taking notes and paying attention, but if someone asks me to borrow a pen, I’m probably not going to use that pen to stab them for interrupting my learning experience. I think there are times to be serious, and times to just have fun. For instance, summer is for fun, but when I’m in work, I’m all business. The proper balance between seriousness and fun is how I stay sane. Besides, if I took myself too seriously, I probably wouldn’t write a blog with self deprecating humor.

Goal 5: Travel to Europe
I have to admit, I put this goal in here because I wanted my parents to read this and decide to send my brother and me (also a famous Nickelodeon television show) to Europe over winter break. After realizing that my parents were footing the bill for me to live in New York City, this idea went out the window. So, I don’t see this as a failure. I’ll call this one a draw. Anyway, I had a great time over winter break, which brings me to my next goal…

Goal 6: Keep In Close Contact With My College Friends
I’m going to call this one a draw, too. This is a difficult one. As evidenced by many of my college blog posts, I had a close group of friends from college. Unfortunately, we were all over the country in the past year, ranging from Los Angeles to DC to New York. So, I guess my definition of “close contact” really changed throughout the year. I tried to talk to people as much as possible and see my New York college friends as much as possible, but sometimes people were busy. I also didn’t anticipate meeting a really good group of people in law school (in fact, in my head, I thought I would be the only person in law school trying to stay in the “College State of Mind” (also Jay-Z’s next single), but I was very, very wrong). However, my college friends and I had some classic times over the past year, whether it be on New Years, random weekends or a Lake House Memorial Weekend Extravaganza, and I look forward to more of these until we die, or they realize that I suck.

Goal 7: Continue My Gym Going Habits
Damn you law school. Damn you. I have gone back to the gym this summer, but I have to rant for a paragraph about how terrible this gym is. I go to this new gym in my hometown, and besides for all the grunting, man sweat, and high school reunions I have every time I go, it’s not terrible, but the grunting is hard to get over. Seriously people, why do weight lifters need to grunt? Back in my heyday, when I was lifting a lot more, I never grunted once. I may have breathed hard, but never once did it sound like I was getting violently penetrated in every hole of my body. Half of the time, it’s actually impossible to lift at this gym because I’m too grossed out by this gym’s audio resemblance to an S&M sex shop. It’s terrible. Grunters: just stop–it is possible to lift without grunting.

Goal 8: Continuing My Blog and Keeping My Creative Side Alive
Unfortunately, my blog has almost been M.I.A. for an entire year (and summer for that matter). I just can’t think of anything to write about anymore. There are few things that really annoy me, unlike when I started this blog. So, dear reader(s), this will be my last entry. Stop cheering, I was kidding. Jerk.

Overall, I’d think the last year was a success. I am incredibly happy with my decision to go to law school (even though none of us will have a job when we come out) and the things I’ve experienced over the past year. My goals for the next year are to continue my friendships with my college friends and new law school friends (seriously, spending every day together going through hell actually brought us together), continue my relationship (and for it to hopefully be stronger than Kourtney Kardashian and Scott’s relationship… dammit, I have to find a hobby and stop watching that show), go to Europe (hint, hint parents), and keep my creative side alive. If I think of anything else, I’ll make an addendum, but life is pretty sweet right now.

Wow that may have been the first time I ended with an optimistic sentence. I have to fix this… Oil spills, wars, Lebron James, debt. Okay, good.

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My World Cup Experience

July 12, 2010

Well hello there fellow reader(s). I know, I know. It’s been awhile (am I the only one who hears that Staind song in his head with the lead singer who sounds like he’s taking a dump and singing at the same time?), but I’ve been paralyzed by Lebron James mania. I don’t think so many people have been glued to the television since post 9/11. Although I’m not comparing the two, in both situations we both waited on hands and knees to hear about some idiots’ actions (Osama bin Laden and Lebron James, who also happen to have matching beards). Oh, and in both, New York got screwed. But I’m done talking about Lebron-mania… I don’t want to black out because of the rage I feel inside anymore.

I’m here to talk about an equally ridiculous sport: soccer, er, futball, or whatever you call it. Either way, it blows. I know what you’re thinking: “Mike, you’re a sports lover. You are supposed to be a lover of all sports!” Well, friend, I love sports, but soccer is just not something I can handle. Here’s why.

First, I strongly dislike (I made a New Years resolution not to hate things) that nobody scores. If FIFA wanted Americans to get into soccer, they would shorten the field in half, and install mines secretly in the field. This game needs to score more goals. There is nothing that is less interesting to me than a zero-zero tie for 90 minutes of regulation, and 30 minutes of extra time like there was in the finals of the 2010 World Cup. However, if there was a short field and explosions, I would be so into it.

Second, I strongly dislike American fans. Seriously, what kind of fans are we that we only care about soccer once every four years? The answer is that we are terrible fans. And if you’re wondering, yes, I am guilty of it. Every four years, I try to get into soccer. I read up on the players, get really excited, and then actually sit and watch the games. Once I actually sit and watch the games, I think about things I could be doing that are way more interesting and fun (i.e. getting punched in the back of the head). Oh, and I hate seeing Americans root for other countries even more. If you watch the Sopranos, eat Italian food, have an Italian grandmother and go to Seaside every weekend to hang out with Mike “The Situation,” you have no right to root for Italy. Root for your country: America, the beautiful. Let me add, I have major respect for other countries’ fans. They follow their team all year and every year. Americans, however, only follow the relevant stories. I bet if Brett Favre was a midfielder for the US team, people would care all the time.

Third, I strongly dislike the players. I can’t think of any other sport that has players crying over every play (however, the NBA is getting close). Seriously, if the referee went to take a crap, the players would complain that the referee didn’t wipe long enough. Also, if I see one more guy miss a wide open net and then put his jersey over his head, while doing the Jon Scheyer/Adam Morrison cry face, I might explode.

Fourth, I strongly dislike the vuvuzelas. Who in South Africa thought this was a good idea? I’m pretty sure vuvuzelas were the reason for the Apartheid, so how can they risk another civil war by bringing these god-forsaken pieces of plastic back?

To conclude, I’m glad this World Cup is over. I strongly dislike this sport. However, they are a couple hidden mines, Charles Barkley color commentaries and Brett Favres away from being somewhat interesting. Maybe in 2014.