My Guest Column On “The Loose Screw”

September 24, 2010

Hey friends.   About a month back I said I was going to be a guest columnist for this website. It’s a hilarious website and the comics are quite amazing.  I just went on a typical rant in my guest column (“guesticle”) and you can check it out right here.

This site is hilarious. So is my guest column. Go read it.

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My First Column In the Cardozo Jurist

September 1, 2010

As promised, here is the article I just wrote for my law school’s newspaper. I think it is the first time someone has actually edited my writing in over a year.  In case you were wondering, they took out my rants on child pornography, mosques on Ground Zero, and Bill O’Reilly.  Actually, a small part was taken edited out, but it kind of sucked anyway.

One more note: I’ve been told that my writing is too redundant (I’ve also been told that I am really, really good looking today), so I’m going to stop writing lists of my goals for the future since they are all the same anyway.  From now on, only new interesting stuff.

This is a screen shot of half of my first article. Click on the picture or the link above for the whole thing.


My Second Year of Law School

September 1, 2010

Well, first year summer has come and gone, and boy did it suck. As a new columnist for the Jurist, my law school’s newspaper, I went into a lot of depth about the suckiness of the summer, so I won’t repeat it here (hopefully I’ll be scanning that article in a couple of days). I never thought I would be looking forward to more law school, but that’s what a terrible summer does to you. Anyway, as per tradition, I have set out some goals in for the coming year, whether it be socially, educationally, or whatever. These might seem a little redundant, but what can I say, I’m not that interesting, and I’m saving my good ideas for the Jurist and the Screw Loose (where you can see me as a guest columnist).

Goal 1: Get a Summer Job
How sad is it that it is August 31st and I am already thinking about next summer. In fact, I have been thinking about next summer since June, when my law school put out the fall on campus interview applications. Not only that, ever since this summer has been a bigger bust (hehe, bust) than JaMarcus Russell (and the summer can’t blame its suckiness on mixing cough syrup with 7up, which by the way, sounds absolutely disgusting–cough syrup is gross and 7up tastes like flat lemon-lime water. Put them together and it has to be even worse), I’ve been thinking of ways to make up for it next summer (I’m going to go with working even harder for $1000 please? I got a Daily Double? Sweet). Anyway, I just want a job because us law students have enough to worry about (i.e. What am I going to wear to this Thursday’s bar night?!?).

Goal 2: The Lady Situation
Well, since I wrote my last blog, things in my life have certainly become slightly different (or back to the way they used to be 8 months ago). I am definitely single, and although it sucks, I have a new perspective on relationships. Back in the day, Mike had a really crappy relationship that pretty much scarred him for the rest of college. But now, I see that the only way to meet the person you want to spend every minute of every day with is to date because quite frankly, if you don’t try, you will never succeed (by the way, I’ve trademarked this line for education posters and locker room signs). It’s always unfortunate when a relationship ends, and for me personally, I know I give 120% for all relationships, whether it be friends, family, or my Playstation 3 (but with the PS3 we went on a break. Not a Ross and Rachel break where I will sleep with other video game systems, but an actual break because of my new, but seemingly old relationship with my text books), and this kind of makes it easier knowing this. Additionally, although my efforts didn’t work out relationship-wise, I was completely blown away that my friends truly rallied around me in a way I didn’t expect, so maybe my efforts worked friends-wise. My Maryland friends and law school friends were completely awesome. For instance, one law school friend cut a date short on the night of the break-up so we could get drunk and peruse the town (did my use of “peruse” sounds as douchey as it does when I read that line?). It’s pretty cool. Whatever. Onto the next lady/victim (and ladies, I’m disease free… unless you count mental disease).

Goal 3: The Friend Situation
Admittedly, there were some points over the past half year where I was a little M.I.A. with my friends. But as a wise young lady once told me, “Real friends will be there and will understand that you need to make relationships work. Those that don’t understand aren’t real friends.” She also once told me, “I fuckin’ hate you,” so take her quote with a grain of salt. In all seriousness, I really am looking forward to the times in the future that I will have with friends. Whether it be with Maryland friends, in trying to repeat the debauchery of New Years 2010 and Lake House 2010, and in my eventual attempts in getting all of my Maryland friends to move to New York City (and eventually into the Village and Lower East Side), or with my law school friends, who have provided me with some of the most absurd, amazing nights I can remember, I look forward to it all.

Goal 4: Continue Writing
Okay, so I wrote a blog for the first time in awhile. That’s a start. And like I said above, there is a little website that is being launched soon (free advertising here), where I will be a guest columnist (and the creator will be a guest columnist here, which will really turn my blog into an obscene, disgusting, sexy site). Additionally, I am writing for my law school’s paper, where I will be writing a column kind of like this blog, except someone actually edits it (maybe that’s a good thing). I also have continued writing scripts, although one I was really enjoying actually happened to me in real life so I had to stop that (wait, did I just think of a new plot for a movie? “Coming this spring. Rob Schneider was just a normal screenwriter, until magically the things he wrote on paper began happening in his own real life! Now things are just getting crazy and cooky! Happy Madison Production Presents… Rob Schneider is… ‘The Screenwriter.’ Rated PG-13.”).