Complaining Just to Complain

October 31, 2011

A couple days ago, I went to the office hours of a professor (no I’m not a gunner, I just had a freakin question… Back off!), and as I was waiting, I overheard a second year girl say to another second year girl, “I would kill for one night of seven hours of sleep.” When I heard this, my brain almost exploded. In my almost two and half years of law school, I haven’t gotten less than seven hours of sleep each night. At this point I realized, yes, law school kind of blows, but at some point people complain just to complain and this is just unattractive and annoying.

If I go back to my blog posts about law school in my first year, I’m assuming they would say something like, “Wow, law school sucks. I can’t believe I have to work so hard. This is nothing like college where I had a Madden to work ratio of 5:1.” However, at some point you just get used to it. You get used to the mind numbing amount of work, and at some point you just have to accept that this is your life and deal with it. I certainly did. It became the norm for me to do a lot of work. I accepted that there would be no such thing as heavy drinking on Tuesdays anymore.

If I go back to my blog posts about law school in my second year, I’m assuming they would say something like, “Wow, law school sucks, but I’m used to it.” I’ve slowly come to realize that unless you are a professional athlete (minus A-Rod or Lebron–seriously have two guys ever been hated so much?) or a billionaire who did nothing to earn your money (like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian–seriously, who wouldn’t make a sex tape and become filthy rich and famous for no reason other than the fact that you filmed yourself having sex and your father made lots of money), your life kind of sucks. There is no such thing as no responsibility and not being busy.

I’m sure when I look back at all my social networking over the next eight months, it will say something like, “I miss law school. Why won’t anyone hire me?” It has become very apparent to me that the grass is always greener on the other side. Sure law school sucks, but is it any better being unemployed and having to move back home? And is it any better when you finally get that big paying job where you can’t enjoy the money you make because you are working 100 hour weeks?

The point is, people are always complaining about something, but at the end of the day, is there any situation where people aren’t complaining? It just seems like a cyclical process to me where people are never truly happy. I say we just all stop complaining and let future Mike or future [insert whining person’s name here] deal with whatever problems you have because quite frankly, your professional life is never going to get better… unless the Yankees finally sign me.

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My Childhood Destroyed

April 27, 2011

Early on in this semester, I discovered nintendo8.com, a lovely website where I can play all of my favorite NES games from my childhood (side note: I’m pretty sure this violates some kind of copyright law but I haven’t gotten that far in studying for the class). I soon came to rediscover the joy of playing these games. I spent all my study breaks playing the original Zelda (still awesome), Mario 3 (still awesome), and Mario 2 (still doesn’t even make sense how or why this game was even created). However, I soon came to see that a lot of the games I remembered fondly just didn’t hold up today, and really didn’t make sense (at least Mario 2 still sucked after all these years). For instance, the Magic Kingdom game, a game that I loved as a youth, just wasn’t that good anymore. It was too difficult, and the game was just dumb (for instance, there is no reason to make a skeleton pirate throw coins in the air so you essentially get automatically hit and lose a life [let’s just look past the fact that a skeleton pirate wouldn’t have the musculature to be able to throw that amount of coins in the air at such a velocity]). Another game I loved as a youth, Snake, Rattle and Roll, was impossible. I couldn’t even remember how to beat the first level (although the music is still awesome).

This got me thinking about other things that just don’t hold up anymore, and how sometimes, it’s just better to leave things in your memory and not to try and relive them.  Well, over spring break, in my limited time not studying (and crying on both the inside and outside), I started thinking about things that I loved when I was younger (side note: just two short years ago I drank and ate heavily on a boat cruise to Mexico.  Now I sit in my basement and watch YouTube videos and study.  Just thinking about this makes we want to drop out of law school, move to Mexico and sell conch shells to American tourists… It will also give me a reason to grow out a sweet mustache), and, I guess because I wanted to bum myself out even more than I already was by studying, see which ones didn’t hold up anymore. Here’s what I found:

Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: So I found the first episode online. The theme song pumped me up for whatever reason. However, this is where my joy ended (except for the timeless hotness of the Pink Ranger Kimberly). I never realized that all the action scenes are just stolen from a Japanese show (my research afterward confirmed this). The opening scene has Rita Repulsa coming out of her dumpster, and what? Rita is an Asian lady whose mouth movement doesn’t match up with her words?!? I was appalled. How did I never realize this in all the years of watching this show? Also, they completely pulled a Saved By The Bell (which, by the way, sucked 20 years ago and still sucks) by having the cool kids (Jason and Zach) hang out with the nerd (Billy). Additionally, the bullies (Bulk and Skully) try to physically assault Trini and Kimberly. I have no words for this. This is just completely unrealistic. I could go on and on about how below average, and not incredibly amazing as I remember it, the pilot was (except for Zordon’s line, “Teleport to us 5 overbearing and over-emotional humans,” and Alpha 5’s response, “No! Not teenagers!”). I don’t dare revisit the 6 parter where Tommy became the Green Ranger because this would probably single handedly ruin my childhood.

Nickelodeon shows: Whereas with Power Rangers I could sit and enjoy that show, Nickelodeon shows are completely unbearable. Thanks to Nick Gas and Noggin I could watch a ton of old shows. First, the good: Legends of the Hidden Temple and Nick Arcade are phenomenal. Imagine if they remade Nick Arcade now. It would be amazing. As with Legends, I’m just shocked that nobody ever punched a temple guard. Those things come at you quick and my first reaction would be to swing at those migrant workers dressed in ancient war paint. Those are fine, but the animated shows are completely awful. I’m going to go and say that Rocket Power and Angry Beavers were made on a dare. I just can’t even handle watching a 15 minute episode. These shows are awful, which is unfortunate because I loved those shows. I’m sure Rugrats is equally as bad. The one thing I do love throughout Nickelodeon shows (and Power Rangers) was the fact that pretty much every character is a racial stereotype. I don’t know how the creators got away with this. Nerds, African Americans, hot chicks–they are all perfectly stereotyped. And people wonder why there are still racist people in my generation (Wait, not all black people can dance like Zach in Power Rangers?).

Three Ninjas movies: So I caught about five minutes of 3 Ninjas Strike Back (the second of three movies–yes, they made a trilogy). From this, I’m pretty sure this is how the movie idea was created:
Creator 1: We need a good movie idea.
Creator 2: You’re right. We’re all out of Steven Segal karate movie ideas.
Creator 1: Hey, I have an idea.
Creator 2: Go on.
Creator 1: What if we had a kid train under an Asian man and become a karate champion?
Creator 2: So, you mean Karate Kid? That’s already been done.
Creator 1: It will be just like that, but instead of one kid there will be three. And they will be brothers.
Creator 2: My god, that is brilliant.
Creator 1: And instead of the kids entering a karate competition, they will single handedly take down the mob using only the power of their own fists.
Creator 2: You, my friend, are god among men.
Creator 1: And instead of good acting, we will cast three kids with no acting experience that kind of look alike to play the three brothers.
Creator 2: You’re a modern day Hitchcock, my friend.


Why Thursday Nights In Law School Are Better Than Thursday Nights In College

February 10, 2011

I know what you’re thinking while looking at the title of this entry: “This is blasphemy! College Thursday nights are untouchable.” Quite frankly, I agree, but hear my argument for why Thursday nights in law school may be better.

My Thursday nights in college went as follows. First, I would get out of class/internship sometime in the afternoon and go back to my apartment, knowing my “week” (let’s be honest can you define having classes two days a week as a “week”?) was over. I was relieved, but it wasn’t as if my life was stressful. During the four days prior, I would handle all my homework, so I didn’t have to do any over the weekend (let’s not forget that I also enjoyed the company of dollar beers on Tuesday after I did homework for a stressful 2 hours, and played video games for hours). By the time Thursday came around, I was ready to party for the next three days. So after chilling out in my apartment for a little, I would go to the gym for two hours. Then I would convene with my friends and we would discuss our plans for the night. If it was warm enough, we would barbecue, pregame and then go out to the bar. If it wasn’t warm enough, we would have a pregame later that evening and go to the bar. After this discussion, we drove to the liquor store, picked up a couple handles of liquor and a couple 30 packs of beer to last us the next three days and come back and chill out (these liquor runs also typically involved Rita’s Ices or soft serve ice cream). We would then chill out until it was t-shirt time (okay, we didn’t call it t-shirt time but it was the equivalent of it), pregame incredibly hard among our 20 closest friends, go out until the bars closed, get some pizza and called it a night.

My Thursdays in law school are a lot different. First, I get out of class sometime in the afternoon, and then walk home to do a couple of hours of homework. Typically, I do reading until about 11pm, but Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays are my selected days to stop early so I could go out and enjoy the company of five dollar beers. On Thursday I stop early, knowing my weekend is about to begin (not counting the one Friday class that I may have, depending on the semester). My week was busy, and my weekend will continue to be busy, as I typically have plenty of reading to last me through the following 72 hours. However, I still associate Thursday with going out. Typically I convene with friends at around 10ish, have a couple beers (I don’t pregame as hard as I used to do because I can’t afford to nurse a hangover for the entire day of Friday, which I did in college, and don’t pregame in as much of a raucous environment) and then go out to a bar, get some pizza and call it a night.

Now I know you are thinking that college sounds so much better than law school. And you’re right. College kicks the crap out of law school. In college the most stressful part of my life was trying to figure out how to fit in my Thursday afternoon nap to my Thursday afternoon schedule, which included going to the gym, going to the liquor store, and going to Rita’s Ices. Seriously, if the bars in college let you in based on how much you accomplished in the week prior, we would have been playing beer pong in some one’s living room. This is as opposed to law school, where I feel like I accomplish something every day (and by that I mean I read a shitload of case law so I could take a final exam that will not test our practical legal abilities). I actually look forward to the little time I have out on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays because that is a release from the prison that is law school reading. It’s nice to forget about the stresses of law school for a couple of hours. I feel like I earn this time every week (until a month before finals where I am shut in my apartment and my study break involves a fifteen minute period where I just cry). This is as opposed to college where my biggest accomplishment of the week was not taking a nap on Thursdays and only playing one game of Madden per day. So, what I’m trying to say is that relatively speaking, law school Thursday nights are much better than college Thursday nights because compared to the rest of the week, law school Thursday nights are the best it is going to get. We don’t get Sunday big drafts and Tuesday dollar beers. We don’t get that feeling of being done with work for three straight days. We get a couple of hours of freedom.


Why I Dislike Rolling Backpacks

January 30, 2011

As I was walking to my first final in the fall of 2010, I was very focused. I had my headphones on, listening to some music to pump me up for the final (possibly Talib Kwali but this is completely unimportant). I entered my law school, was looking forward and very focused on not forgetting certain parts of the UN Charter. All of a sudden I felt something at my feet and in slow motion I felt like I was falling forward. Luckily I regained my balance, but I looked down to see who and what the culprit of my almost-fall was. It was someone I didn’t know and their weapon of choice was a rolling backpack (sounds like the end of a game of “Clue”).

I think rolling backpacks are stupid. Really stupid. I remember when these things came out. I believe it was middle school, in the late 90s to early 2000s. Everyone had one. I remember thinking to myself, “These are stupid” (I then thought to myself, “I wonder if it is Domino’s pizza day in the cafeteria”). There was just no point. Sure, some people said that it would prevent scoliosis, and put less strain on your back. Others said it was easier to carry around. However, the negatives outweigh the positives here.

First, you take up double the space. These rolling backpacks have a long extended handle and trail behind you as you walk. I completely think rolling suitcases are fine because they weigh a lot and it is a lot easier than carrying it through an airport, but I’ve realized that you can’t walk normally with them. You are constantly concerned about it turning over or hitting the back of your legs. Now imagine something about 50 pounds lighter, much smaller, and with a smaller center of balance. I see kids having trouble walking with these things all the time. The worst part is, normally they are used in a crowded school, so not only does this inability to walk normally affect the user of the rolling backpack, but it affects everyone around him or her. I remember in middle school doing one of two things when I saw a rolling back pack: (1) Dodging them or (2) Kicking them and telling people to get normal backpacks. Now, I just dodge them because I’m not a complete dick anymore.

Second, you make every one’s life more difficult. Rolling backpacks are not easily transportable when you have a school with stairs. In middle school, we didn’t have an elevator, so you would always hear the constantly clunking of a backpack up stairs. Additionally, these things were not easy to carry up stairs so the person carrying it up (and by carrying, I mean dragging it up the stairs because a person with a rolling backpack, for some reason, refuses to actually pick up the backpack. I guess it would defeat the purpose) would inconvenience everyone behind this person. And we had four minutes to get to class! In law school, we have elevators, so we have one of two scenarios. The first, is the classic middle school scenario, except in my law school, the stairwells are narrower, so we can’t even attempt to go around this idiot. The second is when someone gets on the elevator instead. And most of the time, the person gets off at the second floor. If there is one thing that drives me crazy is when people use the elevator to go up one floor (side note: in college I broke my foot and my apartment was on the second floor. I used the stairs. If I could use the stairs with a broken foot, you could walk the 10 to 15 stairs up to the next floor). Add that together with a rolling backpack and I have to count to ten in my head before I say anything stupid.

Third, you look like an idiot. People in middle school looked like idiots, but when you are in between the ages of 0-12, you can look like an idiot and every one will just think it is cute (i.e. wearing sweat pants with holes in them to school. I think my brother did this until sophomore year of college). So, imagine how dumb a 12-year-old looks with a rolling backpack, then add 10 to 20 more years to him. So, this person is a foot taller, probably 50 pounds heavier, potentially gray-haired, and still with that same tiny backpack. It’s almost comical.

Fourth, I don’t believe fear of scoliosis outweighs fear of shoulder dislocation. Scoliosis doesn’t hurt. In fact, scoliosis used to be awesome when you were in grade school. You would get a doctor’s note saying that your back was uneven and the school would give you a second pair of books for your home so you didn’t have to carry them home. This is as opposed to shoulder dislocation, which hurts like a bitch. Why would you want to carry around 25 pounds of books with one arm fearing that someone will, by accident, run into your rolling backpack and potentially hit it so hard that your shoulder dislocates? I’ll take scoliosis. Also, for most of the normal people who carry books on their back, they don’t have back problems. I’ve been doing it for 18 years and I’m pretty sure I’m okay.

So this is why I hate rolling backpacks. If anyone could think of a valid reason for one, please comment. I’ll repost them if they are good. I just don’t see the point. They just inconvenience everyone and are a potential cock block to the person using it. Just get a normal Jansport.


My Post Halloween Crappiness

November 4, 2010

I love Halloween. I will quote myself from two years ago, when I said that Halloween is great because women dress like a “slutty nurse, the slutty umpire, the slutty devil, the slutty football player, and the slutty mentally handicapped person.” (Side note: This year, instead of girls dressing like a slutty (insert costume here), girls opted to dress as Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga is in no way slutty or attractive. In fact, she represents everything I hate about society today. She is fake. She was probably some rich New York Gossip Girl who got bored one day with spending all her parents money and created some persona. Don’t get me wrong, she writes catchy music, but I’m pretty sure she’d be as effective and more attractive if she wore a Gap shirt and blue jeans. Okay, I’m done. Side note 2: I just checked Wikipedia, and I was right, she was some rich New York Gossip Girl. Damn, I’m good).

Well, over the past two Halloweens, Halloween has come to mean more to me then just standing in line for an hour to get into a crowded bar where you can’t move. First, it means that I have to hear the Halloween parade one avenue away from me until one in the morning (imagine 100,000 Lady Gaga costumes). Second, it means that my fun is pretty much over.

You see, law school kind of sucks after Halloween. For me, the first two months consists of going out three nights a week, watching a lot of television (I already caught up with Modern Family and considered rewatching LOST, but then I realized the ending would still suck), procrastinating, and of course, thinking of blogs to write. It also means staying updated with my reading for law school, but if I don’t understand something, I say, “Oh well, I’ll figure it out in a month.” (i.e. I thought Torts was a French pastry until November 14, 2009. That was a very disappointing day).

But after Halloween, things change. In law school, we have to make outlines for our finals. This is a time consuming process that involves a lot of frustration, purchasing of horn books, and figuring out how long of a break I can take if I do 50 straight minutes of work (answer: 15 minutes… which turns into 30 minutes). The Monday after Halloween is when I start these.

So what changes for Mike now that he’s in outline season? For one, it means watching less television. It also means not going out as often (maybe once or twice a week), and when I do go out, I set a curfew for myself (try talking to a girl while looking at your cell phone clock every 15 minutes thinking, “If I leave here at 2 and plan to wake up at 9, that’s still 7ish hours of sleep.” It’s impossible. You end up just talking about time and law school… and then politely excusing yourself because you can’t hold a conversation any longer). It’s awful.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I will have less fun than you will this month. Unless, dear reader, you are a law student or medical student. Then your life will be as terrible (or as Sir Charles says, “Turble”) as mine will be.


My First Column In the Cardozo Jurist

September 1, 2010

As promised, here is the article I just wrote for my law school’s newspaper. I think it is the first time someone has actually edited my writing in over a year.  In case you were wondering, they took out my rants on child pornography, mosques on Ground Zero, and Bill O’Reilly.  Actually, a small part was taken edited out, but it kind of sucked anyway.

One more note: I’ve been told that my writing is too redundant (I’ve also been told that I am really, really good looking today), so I’m going to stop writing lists of my goals for the future since they are all the same anyway.  From now on, only new interesting stuff.

This is a screen shot of half of my first article. Click on the picture or the link above for the whole thing.


My Second Year of Law School

September 1, 2010

Well, first year summer has come and gone, and boy did it suck. As a new columnist for the Jurist, my law school’s newspaper, I went into a lot of depth about the suckiness of the summer, so I won’t repeat it here (hopefully I’ll be scanning that article in a couple of days). I never thought I would be looking forward to more law school, but that’s what a terrible summer does to you. Anyway, as per tradition, I have set out some goals in for the coming year, whether it be socially, educationally, or whatever. These might seem a little redundant, but what can I say, I’m not that interesting, and I’m saving my good ideas for the Jurist and the Screw Loose (where you can see me as a guest columnist).

Goal 1: Get a Summer Job
How sad is it that it is August 31st and I am already thinking about next summer. In fact, I have been thinking about next summer since June, when my law school put out the fall on campus interview applications. Not only that, ever since this summer has been a bigger bust (hehe, bust) than JaMarcus Russell (and the summer can’t blame its suckiness on mixing cough syrup with 7up, which by the way, sounds absolutely disgusting–cough syrup is gross and 7up tastes like flat lemon-lime water. Put them together and it has to be even worse), I’ve been thinking of ways to make up for it next summer (I’m going to go with working even harder for $1000 please? I got a Daily Double? Sweet). Anyway, I just want a job because us law students have enough to worry about (i.e. What am I going to wear to this Thursday’s bar night?!?).

Goal 2: The Lady Situation
Well, since I wrote my last blog, things in my life have certainly become slightly different (or back to the way they used to be 8 months ago). I am definitely single, and although it sucks, I have a new perspective on relationships. Back in the day, Mike had a really crappy relationship that pretty much scarred him for the rest of college. But now, I see that the only way to meet the person you want to spend every minute of every day with is to date because quite frankly, if you don’t try, you will never succeed (by the way, I’ve trademarked this line for education posters and locker room signs). It’s always unfortunate when a relationship ends, and for me personally, I know I give 120% for all relationships, whether it be friends, family, or my Playstation 3 (but with the PS3 we went on a break. Not a Ross and Rachel break where I will sleep with other video game systems, but an actual break because of my new, but seemingly old relationship with my text books), and this kind of makes it easier knowing this. Additionally, although my efforts didn’t work out relationship-wise, I was completely blown away that my friends truly rallied around me in a way I didn’t expect, so maybe my efforts worked friends-wise. My Maryland friends and law school friends were completely awesome. For instance, one law school friend cut a date short on the night of the break-up so we could get drunk and peruse the town (did my use of “peruse” sounds as douchey as it does when I read that line?). It’s pretty cool. Whatever. Onto the next lady/victim (and ladies, I’m disease free… unless you count mental disease).

Goal 3: The Friend Situation
Admittedly, there were some points over the past half year where I was a little M.I.A. with my friends. But as a wise young lady once told me, “Real friends will be there and will understand that you need to make relationships work. Those that don’t understand aren’t real friends.” She also once told me, “I fuckin’ hate you,” so take her quote with a grain of salt. In all seriousness, I really am looking forward to the times in the future that I will have with friends. Whether it be with Maryland friends, in trying to repeat the debauchery of New Years 2010 and Lake House 2010, and in my eventual attempts in getting all of my Maryland friends to move to New York City (and eventually into the Village and Lower East Side), or with my law school friends, who have provided me with some of the most absurd, amazing nights I can remember, I look forward to it all.

Goal 4: Continue Writing
Okay, so I wrote a blog for the first time in awhile. That’s a start. And like I said above, there is a little website that is being launched soon (free advertising here), where I will be a guest columnist (and the creator will be a guest columnist here, which will really turn my blog into an obscene, disgusting, sexy site). Additionally, I am writing for my law school’s paper, where I will be writing a column kind of like this blog, except someone actually edits it (maybe that’s a good thing). I also have continued writing scripts, although one I was really enjoying actually happened to me in real life so I had to stop that (wait, did I just think of a new plot for a movie? “Coming this spring. Rob Schneider was just a normal screenwriter, until magically the things he wrote on paper began happening in his own real life! Now things are just getting crazy and cooky! Happy Madison Production Presents… Rob Schneider is… ‘The Screenwriter.’ Rated PG-13.”).