Why I Despise Lady Gaga

August 30, 2011

As I laid on the couch of my apartment on Sunday, flipping through the channels on the TV, wondering if Hurricane Irene would extend my summer by one more day, I stopped on MTV because I was surprised they were actually playing music.  The Video Music Awards were on, and this brought back some good memories from my childhood.  For instance, for whatever reason, I could remember the 1999 VMAs (on 9/9/99), where Chris Rock (incredible monologue here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb61PfRAMW8) hosted the show.  Without even Wikipedia-ing this show, I can recall Eminem and Dr. Dre performing Guilty Conscience, Kid Rock, Run DMC and Aerosmith performing Walk This Way, Lil Kim’s boob, and Tupac and Biggie’s mother on stage together with Will Smith.  I can even remember the following year when Christina Aguilera and Fred Durst performed together and Blink-182 closed the show.  I can remember that in 2003, when Britney Spears and Madonna kissed (this was awesome).  But that’s about as far as my VMA memory will take me.  Although this is not the point of my entry, how has MTV dropped the ball for almost 10 consecutive years?  Can anyone remember anything from the past award shows?  In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I watched the VMAs (probably sometime in high school).

But I digress.  So I was glued to the TV for about 5 minutes watching the VMAs.  Lady Gaga started the show coming dressed up as a guy and going on a borderline-retarded rant about how she is a man and Lady Gaga broke her heart.  She kept droning on, and on, and on.  She then played another one of her terrible songs.  I changed the channel.  I couldn’t bear watching that crap.  The next day, when I opened my homepage on Firefox (Yahoo.com) it had a summary of the VMAs and for whatever reason, I clicked it (to delay me doing law school reading?), and it said how Lady Gaga acted like a man all night and even took the spotlight away from Britney Spears who was receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award (wait, isn’t she no older than 30?  Does this mean she is going to die or is retiring?).  

For these reasons, and other reasons, I strongly dislike Lady Gaga.  She is the epitome of what is wrong with popular culture today and society in general.  First, Lady Gaga is full of shit.  Her whole Lady Gaga persona is just some made up person.  She’s had a major case of revisionist history.  She claimed that she was made fun of and was a loser in high school.  I know someone that went to high school with her and she said that she was in the cool crowd.  Also, I’ve seen pictures of her in high school and there is no way a girl that moderately attractive could be a loser (this isn’t She’s All That).  Furthermore, she went to the NYU music school.  To me, this means that her well off family sent her to a school to perfect her music talents for $50k a year (if her family couldn’t afford NYU they would have made her major in something that you have more than a 1 in a million chance of being successful in).  Quite frankly, I think this whole persona is similar to Dennis Rodman, in that she dressed and acted a certain way to get attention, despite the fact that, just like Dennis Rodman, she has the talent to be successful.  

Additionally, the stuff that she says is just beyond ridiculous and all apart of her act.  At first, it was interesting to see what she would say or do because nobody had ever seen such a strange person (seriously, who makes a dress made of meat?), but now, her act is old and tired (seriously, who makes a dress made of meat?).  Also, how can any of those ridiculous outfits be comfortable?  This is why fashion in general annoys me like nothing else.  In no way do I think hiding in an egg is more comfortable than sitting in a pair of jeans on a chair.  I think for Halloween, while girls dress as Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga should dress as a normal girl (maybe, we will finally be able to tell if she is good looking or not).

Lastly, her music is average.  Yes, I think you have to be talented to write catchy, pop song that get played over the radio (which is why I think people like Kesha have talent, despite the fact that they are not artsy and make a ton of money doing what they do instead of playing at coffee shops and talking about their “art.”  Sorry, if you are a broke musician, you are doing something wrong.  Probably, you just suck).  However, her music doesn’t change people’s lives, like some people believe.  These are pop songs.  They aren’t messages from god.  In fact, the new songs that I heard on the radio (over and over and over) are not even that good.  They aren’t that catchy and the lyrics attempt to be deep, but come off as slightly ignorant (go ahead and try and call an Asian-American an “Orient” in the street.  See what happens).  But, people idolize every word she says.  She could take a giant shit in the street and someone will pick it up and say it is a metaphor for ending starvation.

My Post Halloween Crappiness

November 4, 2010

I love Halloween. I will quote myself from two years ago, when I said that Halloween is great because women dress like a “slutty nurse, the slutty umpire, the slutty devil, the slutty football player, and the slutty mentally handicapped person.” (Side note: This year, instead of girls dressing like a slutty (insert costume here), girls opted to dress as Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga is in no way slutty or attractive. In fact, she represents everything I hate about society today. She is fake. She was probably some rich New York Gossip Girl who got bored one day with spending all her parents money and created some persona. Don’t get me wrong, she writes catchy music, but I’m pretty sure she’d be as effective and more attractive if she wore a Gap shirt and blue jeans. Okay, I’m done. Side note 2: I just checked Wikipedia, and I was right, she was some rich New York Gossip Girl. Damn, I’m good).

Well, over the past two Halloweens, Halloween has come to mean more to me then just standing in line for an hour to get into a crowded bar where you can’t move. First, it means that I have to hear the Halloween parade one avenue away from me until one in the morning (imagine 100,000 Lady Gaga costumes). Second, it means that my fun is pretty much over.

You see, law school kind of sucks after Halloween. For me, the first two months consists of going out three nights a week, watching a lot of television (I already caught up with Modern Family and considered rewatching LOST, but then I realized the ending would still suck), procrastinating, and of course, thinking of blogs to write. It also means staying updated with my reading for law school, but if I don’t understand something, I say, “Oh well, I’ll figure it out in a month.” (i.e. I thought Torts was a French pastry until November 14, 2009. That was a very disappointing day).

But after Halloween, things change. In law school, we have to make outlines for our finals. This is a time consuming process that involves a lot of frustration, purchasing of horn books, and figuring out how long of a break I can take if I do 50 straight minutes of work (answer: 15 minutes… which turns into 30 minutes). The Monday after Halloween is when I start these.

So what changes for Mike now that he’s in outline season? For one, it means watching less television. It also means not going out as often (maybe once or twice a week), and when I do go out, I set a curfew for myself (try talking to a girl while looking at your cell phone clock every 15 minutes thinking, “If I leave here at 2 and plan to wake up at 9, that’s still 7ish hours of sleep.” It’s impossible. You end up just talking about time and law school… and then politely excusing yourself because you can’t hold a conversation any longer). It’s awful.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I will have less fun than you will this month. Unless, dear reader, you are a law student or medical student. Then your life will be as terrible (or as Sir Charles says, “Turble”) as mine will be.