My Broken Foot

May 12, 2009

Yes, the rumors are true, I have a broken foot (did the title of this entry give it away?). And it sucks. A lot. But this is the risk you take when mixing a wrestling themed party, jungle juice, and Mike (I think the line I used last week was, “I can’t wait for the gratuitous violence at this party,” so I had this one coming). To be fair, there were other injuries by friends (the injury report says here: one busted knee, an injured shoulder, and more), but this one takes the cake.

There are some positive to this. And by positives, I mean two positives. First, I see that I have friends who care about me. But more importantly, people do everything for you just short of wiping your ass. I get rides everywhere, people make me food, ask me how I’m doing. For an egomaniac, the attention is intoxicating. All kidding aside, it is nice to have friends who help out though.

However, there are some huger drawbacks to a broken foot that completely outweigh the attention I am receiving:

Anything involving the bathroom is twenty times more difficult. I truly didn’t realize how easy I had it–walking to the bathroom, unzipping my pants, and peeing. Or brushing my teeth (with my pants zipped of course). Or showering. Or the other thing you do in the bathroom that girls don’t (pooping). However, with a broken foot, it is much more difficult. Here’s the situation: I get up from the couch after watching three hours straight of Keeping Up With The Kardashians (when you have a broken foot, your options of activities are very limited). I hop to the bathroom (I didn’t want to use crutches because my arms are bruised from them), and get to the toilet. Normally, I would unzip my zipper and do what I have to do but now, I have to use my dominant (and wee wee holder) left hand to hold onto the counter. Thus my non-dominant hand is left to do all the work. After I finally get my pants unzipped I stand there and am so uncomfortable from having all my weight on one foot that I can’t urinate. I stand there and finally force it out. A thirty second deed just took me four minutes. Don’t get me started on showering (my lower body is not clean right now) or brushing my teeth.

Eating out. Typically, I would stand at the counter, order food, carry it to my table, probably pick up a soda on the way and sit down. Now, I sit down, tell my friends what I want and they get it. I appreciate this, but let’s be real: an individual knows what he or she wants best. For instance, yesterday, my friends and I went out for lunch. Typically, on Mondays, I would get french fries (it’s unlimited so back off) but I sat there for twenty minutes without the savory deliciousness of those spicy curly fries. I know I’m nitpicking here and trust me, I’m not complaining at all, but it was just an observation.

Playing sports/working out. Quite frankly, these two things are out of the question. It pained me to sit and watch my intramural softball team fall in the final four to a team we should have beat. Also, I realized that there is nothing to do around here besides work out and I can’t do that. Instead, I sat around all day yesterday and got so bored with television and Playstation that I read a book… and then another one.

Overall, having a broken foot sucks. Seeing how two of my close friends broken already did this already in the past year, I had this coming. I should have seen the signs (I wonder who is next). And yes, this is the most inopportune time for it to happen (1.5 weeks until graduation), but whatever, it could be worse. I could be these guys (seriously, people getting hit in the nuts is never not funny).