The Final Chapter of Childhood

January 27, 2009

Well, my eighth and final semester of college is underway, and although it doesn’t feel like a normal semester (I’m not taking classes and doing a full-time internship), the realization that this is the last one has hit me pretty hard.  I definitely have some mixed emotions during this time.  Yes, it’s quite an accomplishment to finish college, and I should be happy about it, but I’m also extremely upset that I am leaving this fantasy world I have created for the real world (or another fantasy world in law school).  It’s quite an interesting situation.

I have always been for moving on and having new experiences.  At the end of high school, I was not upset at all.  I felt that I had a great four years but I was in need of a change and new experience.  I felt the same thing after I had worked as a counselor and as an intern at my internship on the Hill: I loved the experience, but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.  But, graduating college is different.  I feel like, as opposed to everything in the past, that I am just starting to fit into my niche I have carved here.  Unfortunately, just as I am starting to become one hundred percent comfortable, I have to leave.  It just sucks.

Another feeling I have is a feeling of defeat.  “Defeat?” you ask.  Let me explain.  After every semester, I, as well as many others, answer many questions with the same answer, “I’ll get it done next semester.”  So, you keep pushing things off and for things that you want to get done, but don’t, you make yourself feel better about it by saying this.   I see this all the time: new hobbies and skills I want to teach myself, trying to get with a girl I like, etc., etc.  Unfortunately, if I don’t man up or have any self discipline and complete these tasks this semester, I have no other option and am therefore defeated.

Because of this feeling, my goal for this semester is to leave no loose ends–have an ending to this story (think the complete opposite of the way the Sopranos ended).  I want to make sure I complete everything I set out to do four years ago in three short months.  Will it happen?  Probably not, but I will try.