Being Friends With Girls

So let me just start with this: I have nothing interesting in my life to talk about. Seriously, nothing monumental, no perspective changing experience. I’m just kind of chilling, which is not a problem (except for my loyal blog readers… and I write “loyal” and “readers” lightly). However, I want to at least get one blog entry this month so I’ll write about something that I have been thinking about but never put to paper: friendships with girls.

Let me start this thought by alienating all girl readers: Quite frankly, I do not enjoy being friends with girls compared to being friends with dudes. Bottom line is, us guys are way more loyal to each other, trustworthy, and don’t hold crazy beefs. For instance, every group of girls I see, they say they are best friends (girls abuse that term anyway), and although in a girl’s sense they may be, they clearly are not by male definition (also we don’t use “best friend”, “bff”, or any other shortened term. We are just “boys”). Secretly, girls harbor jealousy and nitpick little things they don’t like about each other. This is just the first of many reasons I would rather be friends with guys. We kind of just chill and have a good time. I know if there is an issue between any of my friends, we call each other out or ignore it and move on with our lives. It doesn’t affect our friendships. In fact, some of the reasons I have seen guy friends never talk to each other again include: friend tries to hook up with sister, friend tries to hook up with girl friend, friend kills family members. Accordingly, if these things happen, most of the time (except for the last example) a simple apology works just fine (“Dude, weak move by me. Seriously weak.”).

(Sidenote: Nothing happened to me in the past couple weeks that made me think this way, nor am I bitter towards a girl or her friends in anyway. This is just fact. Also, there are exceptions, but very rarely).

Now, if a guy decides to become friends with a girl (and by “friend,” I actually mean friends. Nothing else), there are several labels that a male could be categorized as:

– Out of Leaguer: The girl a male has befriended is way too hot for this guy. Therefore, either the girl sees this (I could swear girls have a sixth sense about this) and immediately puts him into the friend zone, or the guy accepts (begrudgingly) the friendship because attention from a hot girl is better than no attention at all. This category sucks. Hot girls do this constantly and consciously and if they tell you any differently they are lying.

– Blown opportunity friend: The girl is clearly in the guy’s league and the guy actually had a chance with the girl. However, the small window of opportunity closed and therefore they are stuck in the friend zone forever. This window actually closes when a guy gets to know a girl too well. Thus, they start to share personal life stories and the girl gets way too comfortable and likes this friendship she has formed. The guy is blind to this (he lies to himself) until this realization where he either chooses to stay friends or just bails.

– Fugly friend: In this situation, the girl is way below the dude’s level and the guy decides to friend this girl because she is really cool or has hot friends. This happens constantly. In fact, the ugly friend could potentially be a great wing(wo)man. Also, it is important to note that all hot girls have one ugly friend. Girls, if you don’t think this is true, you are the ugly friend in your group.

– Your bro’s girlfriend: This is one of the few completely acceptable friendships with girls. But, one must keep their distance when around these girls because the girl could be gone any day (and clearly, you stay loyal to your friend over his girl). It is completely okay for a guy to become friends with this kind of girl. It helps to further the friendship between you and the dude and also with the girl (in addition, the girl could have hot friends). (Note: It could become sticky if you become friends with the girlfriend and guy at the same time and then they break up. This sucks. My only advice to you is to find someone else to give you advice on this).

– Just Not There Girl: These are the kinds of girls that you really want there to be some kind of attraction but there is just something missing. It could either be looks or personality or whatever, but it just isn’t there. So, the male becomes friends with her. This is okay, but once again, please refer to the first paragraph of this entry.

– Miscellaneous Girl: For whatever reason, you are friends with her (it better be a damn good excuse–i.e. family friend who you see as a sister, girl has a v.d., distant cousin, etc.). Once again, refer to the first paragraph.

Now, I know what you are thinking: this entry sucks. But I’m sure a little bit of you wants to know what the author’s situation is with girls when it comes to being friends with them. I enjoy the friendship of girls. I have no problem with them. In fact, every time I chill with a friend who is a girl I enjoy myself. With that being said, my closest friends are, for the most part, guys because of the reasoning above. My close guy friends are very trustworthy and like fart jokes, and poop jokes, and things I like (porn, chicken, beer). On the other hand, if you find a trustworthy girl who you can’t date (one of your bro’s siblings or girlfriends, or lesbian), I say you hold them close to you as friends. I have found a half handful (three?) of these kinds of girls with whom I cherish their friendship and that’s it. However, the rest of the girls I’m friends with fit into one of the many categories above, and this drives me crazy. Especially blown opportunity friend. Those really blow and brings on a terrible feeling of failure (I could name four off the top of my head without thinking. And any male not named Brad Pitt can as well, guaranteed). In fact, these are the kinds of girls that make me lose sleep… or go after the fugly friend.

Why Mike Shouldn’t Get A Summer Job

Looking past the obvious and logical reasoning why I should get a summer job–spending money for the school year, last chance to have an interesting out of the box job, not racking up debt with my parents–I have decided that having a job this summer is just not necessary.

Here is my reasoning: less than three months from now, I am going to be voluntary subjecting myself to hell (or so I hear). The first year of law school is the worst so why shouldn’t I get time off? I should get to sit around and enjoy the nothingness that is the summer before law school. I cannot do an internship that will help me in any way–either I do another government internship, that although is personally gratifying and a lot of fun, will not help me in my quest to become a lawyer in any way, or I try to get a law internship. Although I have tried sparingly in this last option, the bottom line is, first and second year law students are going to get preference for law internships. In addition, there is nothing I can do–I do not have any legal experience or education yet so essentially, I can be a glorified secretary.

I also have another line of reasoning:what if I make myself so bored during the summer, that I actually look forward to the potential slave work that I will be enduring the first year of law school? Seriously. What if the first year of law school became a savior from what has become the most boring summer in the history of summers? All I do is go to the gym and occasionally see the two school friends that live in New Jersey (which I actually look forward to and enjoy) and the three friends I have at home. The gym has basically become work for me. I have zero motivation. Why? Because every summer I go hard at the gym with the mindset that I want to impress this girl or that girl back at school. Well, news flash: I’m not going back to undergrad. I have a blank slate, or tabula rosa if you will (John Locke would be so proud of me… not the LOST character!) There is no one I have in mind who I want to impress. Sad to say, this has destroyed my motivation (that and me banking on the idea that I will find a brilliant, rich, work motivated girl in law school who will probably make me her bitch). Seriously, I am so bored.

Many people say, “Why don’t you take the time to travel?” The short answer to that is that I only want to go to Europe and I want to do it right (with money). Unfortunately, in today’s economy, taking nice trips like this is limited to Madonna when she wants to adopt another child (and maybe Angelina Jolie). Personally, I would like to go on an adventure and just roadtrip in the good ol’ U.S. of A, but once again nobody has money, or jobs, or money. I will take any other suggestions as to what I can do the rest of this summer, but all I know is that as each boring day goes by, law school doesn’t seem that bad.